


Teardrops on my guitar

by ylc



Series: Taylor Swift's song inspired AUs [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Pining, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylc/pseuds/ylc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another companion piece to "Back to December"<br/>Sam reflects on his feelings on his brother's and Castiel's break up and his own unrequited feelings towards Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teardrops on my guitar

**Author's Note:**

> As I promised, this is another installement from the "back to december" series. Not particularly sad, or at least I don't think so...  
> Enjoy?

The really sad thing, Sam reflects, is that Dean is probably as much of a wreck as Cas is, but the proud fool won’t come back and admit his mistake. By now, he has probably convinced himself that he did the right thing by leaving.

He understands his brother’s fear of loving too much. They both have seen how their father lost himself after their mother passed away. Dean has always kept a careful distance from people, hoping to shield his heart somehow. But Cas managed to pass through all of his defenses and yet…

It would have been better if he hadn’t.

Sam feels guilty whenever the thought that his brother doesn’t deserve Castiel strikes. It’s not an entirely unselfish thought, brought by seeing his friend in pain; it actually comes from wishing he was the one Cas was in love with.

Sam has had the hugest crush on Castiel ever since Dean introduced them, 10 years ago. Sam was fourteen at the time, while Cas had been twenty. That didn’t stop Sam from daydreaming about his brother’s older friend.

He always knew it was silly. Cas was practically an adult, while Sam had been barely a teenager. He was always awkward when Cas was around, desperate to get the older male’s attention, but not knowing how. If Dean every suspected something, he never confronted him about it.

But it was easy to see that the main reason why his crush would remain just that was the fact that Castiel was obviously very much in love with Dean. His brother might not notice, but Sam did. Cas always stared at Dean as he hung up the moon and he was always eager to help him out whenever he needed.

Sam thought it was a little pathetic being in love with someone who was clearly infatuated with his brother, but he couldn’t help it. In his eyes, the older man was completely perfect; everything he ever wanted and more.

As the time passed, his infatuation grew. Sam tried dating, but after every single break up, Cas was the one who listened to him and tried to cheer him up, since Dean was allergic to talking about emotions. At some point Sam suspected he was only still dating random people just to get Cas to hold him after the break-ups.

Pathetic, wasn’t he?

But then Cas and Dean started spending even more time together and Sam figured they had finally started dating. He was happy for them, really, especially because Dean was always smiling when Cas was around. No matter how bad things seemed, Cas’ presence made his brother more cheerful.

So Sam was really baffled that things had ended the way they did. He thought they were happy. But obviously Dean had some issues he needed to work out. It just was unfair that Cas is hurting so badly due his brother emotional constipation.

It’s hard, trying to be a good friend. Sam thinks he has behaved accordingly; being a supportive friend. He refuses to answer Dean’s calls, but what did he expect? He can’t have been expecting Sam to take his side, did he? No, Dean is smarter than that. Even if Sam wasn’t crushing so hard on Cas, it’s easy to see that Dean is the one at fault here.

A part of him feels awfully guilty of how much he’s enjoying having Cas around. He enjoys lying with him in bed, holding him close. Of course, the fact that Cas is crying half of the time makes him feel guiltier, but whenever the other man falls asleep, Sam can pretend, at least for a little while, that he’s not there because his brother left Cas heartbroken and instead, he’s there because Cas wants him to be.

It’s sad and silly and pathetic.

Still, he feels like he deserves a medal for how much self-control he has showed, keeping his hands and lips to himself (for the most part; a friendly kiss on the forehead or a friendly embrace hardly count)

He’s not sure what he’s supposed to do now, though. It’s obvious things can’t go on like this; Dean has been gone for 8 months, it’s clear as water he’s not coming back. So, what now? He’s not sure how to approach Cas on the subject of moving on, because it’s clear that his suggestion would be far from selfless. Then again, Cas hanging on the hope of Dean coming back isn’t healthy.

He’ll talk to Charlie; together they might come up with something.

For everybody's sakes, he hopes so.

**Author's Note:**

> So... thoughts anyone? I like it, but I'm not so sure it fits the song as well as I hoped... this one-shots never go the way I expect them to. I wonder why?  
> Thanks for reading!


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